My kids ask me questions all the time. How do they change the scary stuff inside the haunted house at Funland in Rehoboth? Which of my Pokemon is your favorite? Can you get me a bandaid? Want to have a tea party? Can I do this messy glue project on the floor of your bedroom? I revel in the simplicity of their lives: what we're having for dinner, when is swimming lessons, do I really have to share my granola bar with my sister. Their questions are so easy and they usually center around permission to do things. How to act and what to do is pretty cut and dry: here are the rules, you follow them. Simple, right?
Then we grow up of course and we realize that in many situations there are no "right answers". When faced with a decision there is no way to go back later and see what would have happened if we made a different choice. Experience helps but no amount of experience can issue a guarantee. The phrase "everything happens for a reason" sounds great, but is this simply a way to make ourselves feel better about the course of events that we have zero control over? Are we grasping to find reason after the fact in order to gain acceptance? To neatly compartmentalize in order to move out of the past? After spending countless hours thinking and discussing these and similar questions I have to conclude: I don't know. Its a process of understanding and self-awareness that takes a lifetime.
And because these "no right answer" scenarios are part of life we are faced with making tough decisions. Not doing anything is a decision too. Not knowing what to do is a situation I find myself in fairly often. I am frequently in the space of "figuring out what to say and how to act". Sometimes for a few seconds, sometimes days or even weeks. This process can be painful and emotional. Sometimes its easy. I want to discuss what to do when its painful and emotional. Here is what works for me.
PS. You can do this. I promise.
What works for you?
Meaghan Massella, M.Ac, L.Ac, Dipl. Ac (NCCAOM) is an acupuncturist, business owner and mother of 2.